I feel like an angsty little queer today. I haven't been feeling really good recently, texting friends helps a bit but I feel uptight. Like uptight in a way I haven't felt in years, it really hurts because I thought i'd never feel this way again but that's kinda just life. You have to feel bad sometimes.
I miss like 2008 - 2013. I know I wasn't really an "active" participant but those were some damn good times. On the old internet the term "lab" was used to describe a space for testing with code, or that were the corners of the internet I frequented. I need to go back to the wet sloppy meat mart to get some of those vanilla sticks.
I haven't mentioned it because I wasn't sure if it was okay to say this until I asked him but I got in a group chat with Galax, Cassie and Wally after our meeting. Galax doesn't use the chat, I think he's anti technology or like that. But that's besides the point, I visited them today. I brought my bat and my bag, mostly cause I was thinking this bunker would be like a Fallout bunker (god I love those games). I took the keys and he brought me to the basement and showed me one of the walls was fake, like you pressed into it and there was a big metal door behind it owo. I helped him get it open, it really took one person but he needed the help. The room it led into kinda reminded me of the black mesa east entrance from half life 2, it even scanned us like that room before the doors opened up. The hallway itself was tiled, doors and shutters big enough for vehicles to go through. I followed Galax through as he seemed to not really even think much about having this under his homestead. I asked him if there was a vehicle entrance and he nodded, we went around a corner and entered through double screen doors into a lobby. Kinda like the one in HL1, I was expecting it to be a Fallout like bunker and less like a Black Mesa situation to be honest. He looked at me as we passed through the lobby to a hallway to a few rooms and an elevator and told me "Your house is connected here too, the hatch in the guest bedroom closet leads to the vehicle tunnel" I eyed him oddly as he took me to the elevator and pressed 2 on it. The elevator took us down to open to an intersection, it had a holographic like display in the middle of the room, showing a map of the complex. As we walked down the hall I peered into the windows on my right, inside was some kind of like chemical laboratory. We walked past the holographic map and straight through, I couldn't really help to pay attention to the many doors that faced this wall of the bunker. It was kinda like an apartment complex. I was both amazed and stunned of the bunker, I have heard of bunkers existing like this across the country... Some independently wealthy person building a bunker under their home "just in case" but the Operis from what I know about them really aren't that wealthy. Galax took me into a room with AstroTurf but it oddly felt like real grass on my paws, the feeling of the wet organic blades between my wiggling toes felt odd for this environment. The air was crisp, like an autumn breeze with the smell of a lively forest. The area itself was a courtyard with a small pool and shack, a few floodlights were close to the brick wall murals that had a painted on forest. Galax walked over to a pathway that led to the mural and sat on one of many rocks in the courtyard. I got up on the fence that faced the opposite of him. I looked at him as he grabbed one of those crank flashlights, the senses of a crisp autumn night filled the air as he cranked the light. He had been almost dead silent since we entered and to be honest so had I.
He looked up and blinked at me as if I were a ghost, I think he thought I was one of the pinatas they made in the 80s, those models made with 3 toes instead of 4 so I could get why he would mistake me for one with such a minor differincation.
Galax got up and walked straight through the mural, becoming a mass of paint on it, I was stunned but thinking back I really shouldn't be... After all, I'm a living pinata and my closest friend is a satellite. I followed him in, he told me this place doesn't like technology and the simpler something is the better. He cranked the flashlight over and over as we kept waking. The flashlight kept losing its charge each time he slowed down, as if the nighttime forest world of this mural were engulfing the light. I looked back as we kept walking and the courtyard was there as if it was a contiguous space. I asked him where we were going and he told me he wanted to show me something beautiful. I followed him in the darkness with only the sense of his presense and a flicking light guiding me to where I need to go. I felt as if there was something else with us as we kept going through the false woods, eventually we stopped and he cranked the flashlight really hard to show one of those wooden park map boards. It said Northshore state park, but it was daytime outside. It was as if we were in a approximation of a real place, like one of those landmark paintings you see at small local buisnesses like a hair dresser or a family owned resturaunt. He pointed at a area on the map that was right next to the lakeside and told me that's where we are going. I quietly followed him through the forest as the calming air and cool wind surrounded us. I swear I heard something move or shuffle in the forest as we moved through the trail. We eventually made to a narrow walkway, almost like a dock but not quite. It was more like an overlook of the lake, the sky was filled with stars and brilliant colours almost as if the aurora borealis was dancing in the calm southern skies of our home. I think he noticed me staring up at the sky, to be honest I think he noticed the tears too. We stopped at the overlook and he sat down under the gazebo like awning that was in the middle of the overlook, patting beside of him. I sat down beside him and we began to talk once more.
He gave me a two keys, one with an "O" carved into it and one with "DOMICILE 03" engraved into it. I was putting them into my bag when he started to speak up.
Galax stared off into the dancing lights in the sky as I cried for a bit. I don't know how much time passed but we just sat there together, just soaking in the atmosphere of the place. We eventually started to make our way back to the house, while he powered the flashlight through cranking it I think he was humming losing my religion but when I joined him in humming he looked back at me and gave a subdued smile and a knowing glance before he went back to looking forward and walking. We made it back to the courtyard but I noticed the bunker itself looked like a normal two story building from the outside, I could see rows of windows on the bottom and walls of windows on the second floor. We went back to the house itself and he gave me a big hug before he let me go off. He stressed hard that I am free to come over any time I want and that he and Cass had talked about this. I hugged him back and went back home... I keep looking at the keys and thinking about the hatch in the guest bedroom.
I AM WORRIED AOPUT ME MEATNIMG WITH THE OPERIS ANAD IO KNOW DONT KNOW WHAT IM GONNMA DO WHAT ARE TEHEY GONNA SAHOIW IU DONT KNOW I AM WSCARED BUT I THIUNK IO GON AATAKE MY BAT WIHT ME AND SSTUFF LIKET AHT.
I went to the Operi's house today with Wally. I was honestly more stressed than I could imagine, my ears were twitching but all the while I couldn't stop smiling and feeling good. We walked down the trail from the guest house to the main house, I swear it's been getting hotter and hotter each year. Northshore isn't really supposed to have weather this bad, it felt I was gonna melt into a puddle of glue and various sweets. Wally rang the doorbell and Galax answered the door, I kinda was taken aback both from the fact that Wally has familiarity with the Operis to the point they gave each other hugs and the fact that I have never EVER seen the Operi boy wear anything OTHER than sweatpants, a flannel and that blue shirt with the security camerea on it. He took us to the living room, the house itself is quite large. It's probably one of the nicest houses I've been in, but I really haven't been in other people's houses much. There was a painting of two tastefully drawn foxes on the wall the couch is pressed against, some toony painting from the late 80s or so. We all sat on the couch and just talked, Cassie was upstairs when we had first started talking. Wally apparently knew Galax for years, but they hadn't seen each other since Wally moved back to Riverville county. Which I happened to be one of the people who met him when he returned, funny how things work out. Cassie came down soon after and seemed depressed until she saw me, which made me really good. She came practically hopping down the stairs. I forgot what we were talking about but Cassie looked at my clothes and said something like "do you know medical stuff?". I didn't really know what to say but I just told her that I knew how to repair and heal most types of emotional feeders. She still looked interested but not as much as she did when she first saw me. We talked about the house itself, it belongs to their parents who live elsewhere and they just take care of it and live in it. Cassie was constantly inspecting me while we talked, she sat beside me and ruffled my fur and inspected each section of it. It really bothered me but I didn't say anything, we did continue talking despite it. We talked a few things like music, Galax is a fan of TMBG one of my favorite bands and Cassie herself makes drum and bass or breakcore or something like that. I personally don't like that music, it's kind of... Overdone nowdays? But uh they invited us to visit their basement, I was kind of taken aback from that so I declined. Cassie pointed over to the kitchen to a bag that was on the counter, I didn't really pay much attention and she just went "you want to have dinner together then?". Wally explained to me that the Operis wanted us to just have dinner together and he had told them to get chinese. We just had dinner but I really didn't like what I had which was sweet and sour chicken. It was alright but it was too sweet, I don't really like really sweet things unless I've gone manic. We said our goodbyes but Galax looked at me before I followed Wally and told me to come back next week, he wanted to show me their bunker... I'm probably going to pay them a visit them next week.
I got a package in the mail today. It contained a dark grey patrol cap and hoodie with medical crosses on it and a note. It was something to the effect of "I thought you would like wearing this, from a friend you do not know yet -V". I honestly did not expect myself to get mail from like a stalker, but anything I get for free I'm probably gonna keep. I mean, it was the right size for me and I did find myself liking how I looked in it. It also felt good on my fur and it felt like it suited my ridiculous smile I can't seem to keep off my face when I feel good. I'm probably going to wear this to the meeting, maybe without the cap... I'm unsure. 9UPDATE) SCRWEWA IT IM GONING TO WAER THE CAP
Wally has been pressuring me to meet my neighbors, the Operis. I live in a house that is off the road from them. I do not interaft witht them buch besides giving them money to stay in their guest house and the occasional telling for me to "keep it down". I don't think they really understand that what I am trying to do with myself kinda requires that loudness. Wally has told me they're nice people and that Cassie makes music too. He's set us up a meeting in two weeks and I'm not really sure what I'm gonna act like or wear, or like any of that stuff.
The weird looking fox guy at the gas station near my house said he reminds me of someone he used to know, I wanted to punch his stupid smug smile off his face, sometimes I swear I'm the only normal fox in Bedoak county AND IM A PINATA.
I got a cat.
I GOT IN CONTACT WITH SATTIE AGAIN. HE SENT ME SOME SAMPLES AND INSTRUMENTALS HE MADE FOR MY SONGS!
MY HEART IS BEATING OUT OF MY CHERST I CANT SIT STILL ALL I CAN DO IS DANCE. NOBODDY KNOWS WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE IN A WORLD WHERE YOU CANT PARTICIPATE UNTIL THE PARTRY IS OVER AND ITS TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHHING BUT DANCE. AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS DANCE.
IM TIR EDF AND SEWARTY I TPUT MUY BED TOGEHTE RI T WAAS SO HAR DWHY TID DOTHE Y MAKE IT SO HARD WHY CANT THEY MAKAE SHEETS FOR P:EOPLE OLIEK EME WHE TRPYU CANDT PUT SHEETS ON MY BED IO CANT DO THIS ON MY OWN
i went to the library today and almost caused a scene i thought i had myself under control today but i thought about maybe trying my hand at drawing because i saw some art hung up on the wall and i started to run like i do when i feel "like this" but i ended up running straight into a wall and ended up breaking my snout
i went to my therapist today he keeps listening to me rant about how things arent going great with my hyperactivity all the medicine theyve tried on me doesnt work for some reason (GIVE ME A REASON OTHER THAN THE FACT IM A MISTAKE OF GODS WILL) so it just sucks that i just exist like this. we have tried things before to make me not so hyper like the pacifier which makes me self concious and uncomfortable about myself but he suggests i should try getting a plush cat to pet or something like that to take my mind away and not make so much noise. i think i will try that but probablt when i get my money this month, I dont know if inanimate animates like me can bring others to life but maybe i'd have a pet cat evnetually? idk
I HATE MY NEIGHBORS I HATE THEM THEY KEEEP CALLING THE COPS ON ME FOR """NOISE"""" VOILATIONS""""" GIVE ME A BREAK MOST OF MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN DRAGGED PLACE TO PLACE IT IS A FREEING AND TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE TO HAVE CONTROL OVER MY OWN LIFE LET ME DO WHAT I WANT
